Tony just completed his Become Unshakeable Challenge which is, essentially, his freebie online primer that sells people on UPW Virtual. I’ve done these multiple times and UPW three times because I believe, as Tony Robbins says “Repetition is the mother of skill.”

The bottom line is taking 100 percent responsibility. That means if things aren’t working I look at what I’ve done, not done, misunderstood or miscommunicated and take action to fix it. Tony goes on to talk about the role of practicing positive communication in partnerships and marriages. In a nutshell, not making the other person wrong but appreciating what you genuinely love and admire about them instead.

Tony also refers to Dr. Gottman’s Research which boils down to what is described as The Four Hoursemen. This was new information for me and it’s pretty fascinating. Here’s the thumbnail slide to give you an idea of what Gottman identified and articulated.

By now most of Tony’s principles are hard-wired into my brain but Relationship Day is by far my favorite. Maybe that’s because I need so much more awareness and skill in that area. Nothing can replace Tony’s 3 hour talk but for some reason I can’t link to it so here’s is an abbreviated checklist that gives the basic outline.

Here’s another sweet clip with Tony and his wife Sage talking it thru.

The last piece was another surprise I don’t believe Tony included in his two prior free 5-day challenges. This data, by Dr. Julie Colwell from her book The Relationship Skills Workbook. In essence Colwell advocates resolving relationship conflicts and/or misunderstandings with a strategy called S.E.W., an acronym for three steps in the discovery and repair process.

S.E.W. is about engaging in inarguable conflict. It looks like this:

• Sensation – describe the physical feeling associated with the upset
• Emotion – categorize it as mad, sad, scared, glad, excited. You can’t argue with these feelings. They’re just present.
• What do you want/need? Then ask what do they want/need?

So that’s my outline of Relationship Day for The Become Unshakeable Challenge. I learned some extremely valuable tools I didn’t even expect to find. Maybe that’s my reward for staying committed to being my best. It’s quite a valuable gift!